Monday, October 17, 2011

Dear Mary,

You may not understand this letter when you are still a child, but one day, when you are a mother yourself you will:
First of all, I love you more than words could say. You and Tyrus are my world.
I do not love it when you tell me that you want to wear purple socks and then, when I bring them from your closet, you throw them at me and tell me to bring you white.
I do not love it when I give in, actually bring you white socks, and then you tell me you want to wear purple.
I do not love it when I put the second purple sock on your foot as you are pulling the first purple sock off your other one.
I do not love it when you make me crazy and scream and actually have the thought, only a thought, of slapping you.
I do not love it when I actually have to spank you.
I do not love it when you cry.
I do not love it when I have to give you 5 seconds to make your choice and you still do not choose either purple or white socks so I have to carry you screaming and barefoot to the car.
I do not love it when you FINALLY tell me that you will wear purple socks only to pull them off as I am putting them on you.
I do not love it when you pull your shoes off in the same fashion.
I do not love it when you scream because I won't put your socks on.
I do not love it when, as I am driving down the road, you wiggle out of your straps and stand up in your car seat.
I do not love it when I have to pull over and put you back in your car seat.
I do not love it when you scream and cry over purple socks.
I do not love it when Tyrus has to just sit there and watch us fight. It really breaks my heart.
I do not love the fact that it takes us going through all of this for you to FINALLY put your purple socks on.
I did love the hug and kiss you gave me when we did arrive at Mrs. Melissa's house.
I did not love seeing your tear stained face.

Sweet baby, I hate our mornings like this. Daddy is working so hard at his new job. I can't vent to him and tell him that I can't do this morning thing on my own. It's not fair to him. I want this to work and I know we can do it. I love you and Tyrus so much. Please, PLEASE start acting like a big girl and stop wanting to control everything. I hate having to scream and yell at you. My biggest fear is that is the memory that you will remember. I don't want that. I want you to remember the love and the hugs and the kisses. Not the stressed out Mama who only screams. Hopefully, when you can finally read this, things will have miraculously changed. I will be able to tell you that we never had a morning like that again. Probably won't happen, but if, by some chance, you remember me screaming at you please also remember...that it was 100% your fault!

I DO love you sweet baby,

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